Tears from the heart

I love her sooooo much! I don't know whats wrong with me, she said goodnight. And i freaked out. Im sitting here puking up crud cuz i havent eaten and my nose is running faster than I can catch it. I look like Im about to die im crying soooo hard. Im soooo worried about her. I don't understand, I thought she was gonna talk to me more but she's gone just bye and nothing more. UGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a book report due tomorrow, a bible paper due, french test, and tons of anatomy notes to type. I don't know how I am gonna do it. I gave ALL my time to her this weekend!!!!!!!!!!! I love her soooo much, but why Lord why can I not focus on my work :'((( I can't even talk my voice is gone :( I DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS LORD!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD on my shoulders and no one to turn to!!!!!!!!! :( AHHHHHHH! please help me God!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP KATIE!!!!!!!!!! Help me to get my work done and give me peace!!!!!!!!! I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!! :'(((( Well its midnight i better go. I love u katie!!!!! Please read this!!!!

What's on my heart!!!!!!!

I'm just sitting here balling my eyes out, I can barely see to type, but that's okay. My heart is just in sooooo much pain to see my big sis sad at all, but I know it's for a very valid reason. I love her sooooo dearly!!!!!!!! Though my heart aches right now cuz of the drama I am dealing with soooo many people that really don't mean anything to me but that they are someone else who just wants to make my life a whole lot crappier for me.....God knows that first and foremost I treasure my big sis as GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS SOOOO MUCH MORE AMAZING than anyone I could ever dream of meeting!!!!!!!! She helps me in more ways than it is even possible!!!!!!!!! SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!! Oh I pray, LORD, that you would take her pain away and give her peace!!!!!!!!!!!!! She doesn't deserve this pain at all!!!!!!!!! Help her to grow stronger in this, and not get taken down and depressed!!!!!!!!! Please wrap your arms around her and protect her!!!!!!!!!! Please show her your love and mighty hand!!!!!!!!!! Please direct her and guide her, and show her your wonderful plan for her life!!!!!!!!!!! OH LORD, I PLEAD!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, LORD, I'm overtaken with emotion.........GOD, YOU NEVER GIVE UP ON US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh GOD, YOUR SOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M JUST SWAMPED IN TEARS OVER YOUR AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRY OUT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOUGH, I AM WEAK, YOU ARE STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR MIGHTY HAND IS OVER EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE LORD, HOLD MY BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SOOOOO WORRIED ABOUT HER!!!!!!!!!!!! :'( THANK YOU, GOD, FOR HER!!!!!!!!!!! WITH YOU I OVERCOME FEAR!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD, THANKS SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND BIG SIS, YOUR ALWAYS IN MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER HOW FAR APART WE GET!!!!!!!!!!! :'( Oh, it kills me, but i trust God will keep you safe!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Well it's almost midnight so i better get to my homework, and I gotta get to hugging on my bears or I will never get to sleep. Oh, Lord, I'm sooooo overcome with emotion!!!!!!!!!!

KATIE LOWE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD IT GET ANY BETTER?????? :D

doesn't he look AMAZZZZZING!!!!!!! ;D

Okay so I know its been forever, but who cares. I aint got time for this everyday ;) anyway ive been sick all day, feeling like crap, laying in bed, being sooooo cranky and complaining about everything. The stress has reached it limit, but somehow I gotta look past it or I'm gonna be a mess and a total jerk to others. Why be sooooo selfish???? Just totally not worth it. Well anyway God put this song in my head on the way to work....and I was singing it the whole time, waiting to look it up when I got home. But it reminds me of my MOST AMAZING FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY AWESOME BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one could mean anymore to me!!!!! Cuz no one on this earth has meant sooooo much to me and been in my heart for sooooo long!!!!!! and no one really knows how many times I have begged for this person (a sister), someone who loves me, sacrifices a lot for me, cares about me, and does her best to help me in everything.....someone who makes me feel special and worth something!!!!!!!! SOOOOO MUCH MORE THAN A FRIEND COULD EVER GIVE ME!!!!!!!!! I could never ask for more. Though I have been such a jerk lately and have gotten sooooo selfish cuz of all the emotions i have been feeling I still know I have her to turn to no matter how many times I tell myself that I cant. But she still believes in me!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOOOO STINKIN MUCH KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't get the video to load but here are the lyrics (look it up on you tube).....


Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different but, deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other, to have, to hold
They'll see in time I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong cause
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know

We'll show them together cause
you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always

Always yes i'll be with you.
cause i'll be there for you
always always and always
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
i'll be there for you always always

P.S. lol. I know its from Tarzan.....but its awesome just the same!!!!! :D

I dedicate this song to you!!!!!!! You are such a blessing to me, Katie!!!!!! LUV U SOOOOOOO MUCH BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART, NO MATTER HOW FAR WE GET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU AND CHERISH YOU FOREVER IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! U'VE IMPACTED ME IN SOOOOOO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NEVER EXPRESS HOW THANKFUL I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I COULD NEVER EXPRESS HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HOW MUCH U HAVE BLESSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR THE BESTEST!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't know what you have till its gone!!!!

Well let's see.....ITS BEEN FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!! DANG! ive been soooo busy! Hmm....pretty much I have a new best friend. I can't go a day without talking to her. She is like everything to me. Ha ha im addicted to ice cream now and sugarland and driving by peoples houses to make sure they are okay.....in my crazy mind :) And i miss my grandma a lot.....she did SOOOO much for me. And i never really thanked her for it :'(.....She died on tuesday and someone was there to rescue me!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!! The best feeling in the world!!!!! I'm working two jobs now, delivering flyers in the mornings and MC'DONALDS!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!! lol. It's money.....lol. I get my first pay check this friday!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! The highlight of my week.....the normal highlight of my week is getting to see my big sis......but she is really busy. And i hope that she has a really fun time on her trip to Branson. But BOY will I miss her......CRAZY ME!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Im listening to songs that remind me of her right now :) I've been hanging out with Joshy a lot lately too. Ha ha he is sooooo crazy.....and i always sit there "listening" to him babble on everyday....though im really not listening at all :) He just wants me to take him to get him some ice cream and it makes me feel not so lonely! And i've been dealing with Amy and Mary....UGH! I wish they would get it by now. WHATEV! And faith and i are talking again! :) bout to send her another card! Well.....right now me = ice cream, music, big sis, and work!!!!!!!!!! SUCH A SWEET LIFE!!!!!!!!! :) Though boring at times....but i haven't been getting in bad trouble cuz of boredom lately....which is always good :)....bout to go to Colorado in two weeks....gonna need a lot of prayer there.....BOY!!!!!!! will i be homesick and scared to death! as well as crying 24/7 oh im gonna be a mess!!!!! I MISS MY BIG SIS ALREADY!!!!!!!!! :'( Well gotta go get ready for work. And im praying for a good week.....and that i wont miss someone so much! LUV U SOOOO MUCH KATIE!!!!!!!!!! Hope u have an awesome week too!!!!!! :)

LORA GRACE PAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I COMING BACK TO REALITY????????

GOD ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT CAN I SAY?????????? When you feel like you have given all you have in you from the tip of your toes to the top of your head and things still aren't working out....what do you do?????? You feel the only thing left is to blame yourself and give up completely!!!!! All the people you have trusted most in your life and have been soooo very close to for SOOOO VERY LONG are betraying you left and right and you feel there is nothing left to do!!!! Well there is hope!!!!!! Romans 5:3-5 says tribulations (trials) bring perseverance, perseverance brings character, character brings hope, and the hope is the love of GOD which NEVER disappoints!!!!!! THERE IS HOPE, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!! When ya cry and cry and cry and cry every chance ya get for days till your too week to cry anymore, ya feel there is nothing left in you, ya can't sleep, ya can hardly talk and move cause they pain is soooo unbearable!!!!! When you are absolutely DEAD emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and MISERABLE physically!!!!! You can't figure out what's wrong with you!!!!! Well whether any of this has ever happened to you is beside the point, all of these things just make you have more excuses as to why not to change!!!!!!!!! WHEN, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! AND CHRIST ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DIED TO SAVE THE WORLD, THAT INCLUDES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING HE HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS FAMILY, FRIENDS, EVERYTHING HE VALUED MOST!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HAD EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT HE DIED FOR SUCH A STUPID, STUBBORN PERSON AS YOU AND ME, JUST SO YOU COULD LIVE AND BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!! WE DESERVE NOTHING!!!!!!! YET HE GAVE US EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! AND LOVES US SOOOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!! He also says, though, that we should cast ALL are cares and worries upon HIM, cause HE cares about us and loves us!!!!!!!! And will help us through!!!!!! Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken" So that also means that we need to TRUST HIM most of all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cause he will help you and guide you if you look to Him and Him alone to satisfy you!!!!!! But God also says we need to be kind to others and FORGIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY!!!!!!!!!! And just saying it, does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO TRULY MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!! And confess your sins to God all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And make it right with Him!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT HE WANTS ALL YOU HAVE AND NOTHING ELSE WILL DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WILL KICK U, PUSH U, TORTURE U, TAKE ALL YOU HAVE TILL HE HAS YOU COMPLETELY FOCUSED ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL HE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DESERVES IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well these are some of my thoughts and some of the things I have been learning having gotten back into reading the BIBLE lately!!!!!!!!

SO yeah!!!!! The hurt is still there!!!!!!!!! BUT IVE GOT TO MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I will fall back into this trap again!!!!!!!!!!!! :( BUT IVE GOT TO KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY THE LORD HAS GIVEN ME A JOY I HAVENT HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!! So that helped me to realize there is still HOPE and a way to get out of all this!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE FAITH IN THE UNSEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND TRUST CHRIST, THOUGH U CAN'T SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got to talk to Faith for a good two hours today and just poor my heart out just me and her!!!!!!!!!!! I've never been able to talk to her like that!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT MEANT SOOOOO MUCH TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND HOW MUCH I MEAN TO HER!!!!!!!!!!! AND HER EXACT WORDS WERE PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IF SHE MEANT WHAT SHE SAID, I JUST CANT WAIT TO SEE THE FRIENDSHIP GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im taking my precautions, but I see some hope there!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SHE DIDNT JUDGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE OR GET UPSET WITH ME IN ANYWAY AND I COULD TALK TO HER ABOUT MY MOST PERSONAL SUBJECTS AND JUST BE OPEN WITH HER WITH NO FEAR OF WHAT SHE WOULD THINK OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOW I GET TO HANG WITH HER EVERYDAY AND NIGHT BETWEEN NOW AND SATURDAY, JUST ME AND HER!!!!!!!!!!! :) THE CRAZY GOOFBALLS WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! :) WE GOT SOOOO CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVENT HAD THAT MUCH JOY OR EXCITEMENT IN FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT TO MENTION, THE BIG SMACK IN THE FACE I GOT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH, KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV U DEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEEDED IT TERRIBLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT SEEMS TO HAVE MADE ME THINK FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN OVER NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IM STARTING TO SHUT UP AND THINK BEFORE I DO THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND CLOSE CERTAIN PEOPLE OUT SOOO I AM NOT TEMPTED TO GOSSIP OR TEAR OTHERS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV YA TOOO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP PUSHING ME GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH FOR MAKING ME FEEL LOVED AND FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THIS, SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO VERY MUCH FOR CARING, TRULY UNDERSTANDING, AND KEEPING THE TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS TOTALLY WICKED AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUST HIM, KEEP HIM CLOSE TO YOUR HEART, LET HIM REFLECT IN YOUR LIFE, AND GLORIFY HIM THROUGH WHAT YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE FROM THE LOVELY LP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

P.S. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAITH ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! IS IT A BREAK OR NOT????

Well its SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been waiting for it for months and what does it turn out to be nothing but just a week of less school but same old busy, busy, busy all day long!!!!!! UGH!!!!!! Well it's been fun so far!!!!!!!! BUT IM SOOO EXHAUSTED!!!!! I have been like addicted to SUGARLAND, since you reminded me of them, Katie!!!!!!!!!! I haven't listened to them in forever!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! Every night before I go to bed....Aint no rhyme or reason no complainted meaning aint no need to over think it let go laughing life dont go quite like you planned it we try so hard to understand it....goes through my head!!!!!! Im listening to it right now!!!!!!! I went to the zoo yesterday, watched three kids all day, and went mini golfing. And then went to an awesome ice cream place!!!!!!!! It was pretty sweet!!!!!!! But EXTREMELY TIRING!!!!!!!!!! Soccer practice today....I almost fainted....the weather was a bit too hot for me even though I finished the mile before everyone else, which was really surprising to me since I haven't even done any exercise since b ball. But I did it!!!!!!!!! Then I tried to set up our new trampoline by myself and that didn't work out so well. IT WAS SOOO HOT for me!!!!!!!! I fainted and laid there for awhile and then got enough energy to go back inside and I really wasnt the same the rest of the day!!!!!!! :( I took lots of medicine but the pain wouldn't go away!!!!! Then when my family got home, they finished putting it together and I went and hung out with a friend for awhile and talked and talked and talked. Well today was also not a good day between me and my parents sad to say!!!!!!!! BUT IM REALLY WANTING SOOOO BAD TO JUST CALM DOWN TOMORROW AND JUST TALK TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!! And change my priorities back to where they should be!!!!!!!!!!! SOOO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! AND KATIE, LUV YA SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!! And if ya wanna hang or run AT ALL, ANYTIME THIS WEEK, I AM MORE THAN WILLING AND WOULD LOVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST LET ME KNOW, AND I'LL BE OVER!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE GOD'S WORKING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! NOT MY WILL, BUT URS BE DONE!!!!!!!!!! Love, LP

CRYING!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL IT EVER STOP???? I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS EMOTIONAL!!!!

Well another HARD night for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now that I have NO ONE to talk to!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that I should journal and releave some stuff that I am holding inside!!!!!!!! :( I HAVE BEEN SUCH A JERK TODAY!!!!!!!!! I just go around like a complete idiot!!!!! Not saying anything to anyone. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING IS WRONG, But I don't know what anymore!!!!!!!!!! :( I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN HOLD ME AND WHO I CAN CRY IT ALL OUT WITH!!!!!!!! My emotions are to their fullest!!!!!!!! :( And I don't know what to do. I KNOW. I am too wordly, emotional, dramatic, over-reacting, etc. I'VE HEARD IT A MILLION TIMES!!!!!!!!! I'm too sensitive, easily hurt, and a dig load of drama. Well then what is my purpose. I've tried everything!!!!!!!! I've opened up with my parents, made everything right with Dustin and the whole foster family, tried my best to get along with all the people at church and school!!!!!!!!!! And been here for tons of girls at school to help them in their problems and what do i get???? A cold shoulder, slap in the face, and made fun of!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'( When will they ever understand???????? I'VE SACRIFICED SOOO MUCH FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!! And I can't even be assured that we are still friends, let alone a shoulder to cry on!!!!!!!! And now I have to go through another day of seeing them in the halls and endure the rude jokes and mean comments!!!!!! I'VE LET THEM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, given them soo many things of mine!!!!! And all they want is more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I never be serious with anyone???????? Can I never express my feelings?????? Should I just put on a smile everyday!!!!!! EVEN WHEN I FEEL LIKE CRAP!!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?????????????? Do I have any true friends?????? :'( Well I'm not allowed to be on here anymore!!!!!!!!! :( I have to go do my homework!!!!!!! EVEN IF IT IS MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!! :( I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE STRENGTH!!!!!!! I HAVE CRIED ALL MY TEARS OUT, BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE CRYING!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TONS MORE TO SHARE, BUT IM JUST A SELFISH BRAT!!!!!!!! :( LUV YA SOOOOO MUCH, KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T SHARE THIS WITH ANYONE!!!!!!!!! It's VERY PERSONAL, but it is truly how I feel!!!!!!!! IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW CHRIST IS THE ANSWER, but I've been praying and praying and trying to solve the problems as best as I can!!!!!!!!! BUT IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!!!!!

TEARS, HURTS, ACHES, PAINS!!!!!!!!!!! GOD REIGN IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Well let's see here.... HMM!!!!!!!!! Since this is pretty much a personal journal to me, I will just come out with all my feelings, hurts, pains, and problems right now. Well in my eyes, my life sucks!!!!!!! But i know God has a reason for it all!!!!! I feel I can't take it anymore, but God comes in again and puts more on my plate to handle!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! When is enough, enough!!!!!! God, haven't I gone through enough already? Well let's see here, the people who I've trusted most the past few years just leave me and seem not to give a crap about how i truly feel. The friends at church who I have just started to draw closer to pick a fight with another friend. I MEAN COME ON!!!!!!!! I am starting to rebuild my friendship with Dustin and all my friends have to get into it. I MEAN LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY!!!!!!!! Well things are going well with Dustin now and his family seems to think that I am a daughter and sister to them, how they feel that way I don't know. But I really dont want to fail them. Well we have come to terms and are really gonna try to not fight anymore, and we can only text for twenty minutes a day. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!! And I told him how I am hurting sooo greatly and he seems to care now. I'm not pouring my heart into him. I'm just glad this are going well with their family and I. And I think they understand and feel for me. Well I called all the girls from church and messaged them and now I am going to try to work things out with them. There is still TONS of hurt and damage to be healed between me and my school friends. I LOVE THEM SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! BUT WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HURT THEM!!!! :( Well another day of school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Kill me now!!!!!!!!!!! jk. I always say it!!!!!!!!!!! But i hate having to deal with them each day. They say they care, but don't show it!!!!!!! :( I talked to my dad today about everything!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!! And now we have daddy/daughter time every night to talk through everything. Amy broke up with one guy and is with another now!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL SHE EVER LEARN??????????? I'VE TOLD HER MANY TIMES!!!!!!!!! SHE SAYS SHE TRUSTS CHRIST!!!!!!!! BUT UGH!!!!!!!!!! Mary is really worrying me too!!!!!!!!!! She hasn't been herself lately and I want soooo much for her to be able to cry it all out and talk it all out with me!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE MY REAL FRIENDS? WHO CAN I REALLY TRUST? WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME?????? IDK ANYMORE!!!!!! :( SOOOOOO many people have broken my trust in the past few months it's not even funny anymore!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I have TONS of homework and reports due soon but where is there time to do it????? :( YAY!!!!!!!! BASKETBALL IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!! That was A LOT of pain and problems I should've never brought myself into!!!! NOW COMES THE BIG DECISION!!!!!! SOCCER OR NO SOCCER??????? IDK ANYMORE!!!!!!! I LOVE THE SPORT SOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!! But is it worth dealing with all the people?????? All the pain?????? And reffing on top of that!!!! I start next weekend!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! TOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! WELL THAT'S A BIG CHUNK OF ALL THAT I'M DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED WISDOM!!!!! I NEED STRENGTH, LORD!!!!!!!!! License test coming up soon too!!!!! Practice, practice, practice!!!!!!! And my car got out of the shop today!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! LOL. Delivering newspapers in it today was THE BEST!!!!!! :) JOSH is such a big boy!!!!! LOL. He had such a hard time getting in and out of such a small car!!!!! He looked hilarious though!!!!!!! He kept hitting his head, getting choaked by the seatbelt, and couldn't get his legs out. lol. WELL OFF TO HOMEWORK...Let's see: two long math assignments, a history reading assignment and worksheet, two Bible tests, English research paper, book report, and thesis statement. Well that's all and it has to be done before tomorrow. UGH!!!!!! Not happening!!!!! :( AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NEVER EVER FORGET MY WONDERFUL BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS SOOOOO DEAR TO MY HEART!!!!!!!! SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! AND I'M SOOOO VERY THANKFUL FOR HER!!!!!! I'M SOOOOO VERY SORRY FOR ALL THE TROUBLE I'VE CAUSED LATELY THOUGH!!!!!!!! BUT AT LEAST SHE UNDERSTANDS!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! LORD, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, LP :)

P.S. KATIE, U ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

OVERWHELMED!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Well it's been awhile since I have updated this!!!!!!!!! but it's for a reason. FEELINGS!!!!!!!!! Ain't it great!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!! Well I LOVE ALAINA, SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! I just can't get her to understand!!!!!!! Me and Mary got in tons of trouble on Sunday!!!!!!! I'm still soooo mad at myself for that!!!!!!!! :( I ended it with Dustin on Monday!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully that will calm down and settle!!!!!!!!!! And after all this crap with school, friends, and whatever other stuff!!!!!!!!!! I AM SICK!!!!!!!!! :( Ache all over, horrible head ache, tummy ache, and congestion!!!!!!!!! FATIGUE, man it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!! AND TONS OF FREAKEN HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!! Why do they have to pile it on? Amy gave me my birthday present tonight :) She is sooo sweet!!!!!!!!! The card rocks!!!!!!!! :) I LOVE MRS. LOWE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!! SHE HAS BEEN THERE 4 ME THROUGH IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I needed her all along!!!!!!!!!! I am sooo grateful for her. I don't know what I would do without her!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! She has surgery tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! I feel soooo bad for her!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me cry!!!!!!!!!! :( Well there is more, but I got to get bed!!!!!!!! Overwhelmedness is taking control. My birthday is in two days!!!!!!!!!! Hope things are better by then, but we will have to see!!!!!!!!!! I hope and pray I will just trust the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let the Tears Flow!!!

Today has been an extremely emotional and hard day for me!!!!! Idk why. I'm just sooo overwhelmed with everything going on. I'm sooo indecisive on my relationship with dustin!!!!!!!!!!! I am only in the friendship cause I feel sorry for him!!!!!!! But I don't want to leave him hanging!!!!!!!! And as far as we have gotten it would be extremely hard for me to end it. So either way I go now, I'm stuck!!!!!!! :( I have been crying for the past two hours!!!!! :( But Alaina heard about it and gave me a call. So at least I got to talk to her although she probably hardly understood me I was crying so hard. It had been awhile. And she is not mad at me praise the Lord!!!!! But both her and Mary assured me they love me and our praying for me!!!!! That is really nice to know!!!!!!!!! D talked to me today too and seemed pretty mad at me cause I haven't talked to him in awhile and told me I should calm down. But he doesn't know what he is talking about. The more I calmed down the less joy I had and the more sad I got!!! :( So that also made my day harder!!!!!!!!!! With all this and lack of sleep, I was not really able to focus on school work today!!!!!! Which means tons of homework!!!!! :( Dustin is also worried about me. UGH!!!!!!!! I hope Mrs. Lowe is feeling better!!!!!!! She has had an extremely hard week. Just like me!!!!!!! I feel sooo bad for her!!!!! It's soo cool to see how much we are alike though!!!!!! I LOVE HER SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Basketball practice was pretty fun surprisingly tonight. But I have a game tomorrow and a really busy weekend ahead!!!!!!! Next weekend is my birthday!!!!!!!! So yeah!!!!!! That's mostly what's been on my mind lately!!!!!!! Have a great day and a Wonderful weekend!!!!!!!!! LOVE, LP!!!!!!!!!!! :) Shine for JESUS!!!!!!!!! :) Psalm 30:5

P.S. This note might be a little messed up here and there cause I have had to retype it three times cause my computer kept messing up!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IS ON MY HEART!!!!!

HEY AGAIN,
I have sooo much on my heart I just want to pour out!!!!!!!!!! I am soo overwhelmed right now. Ugh basketball is getting sooo stressful and tiring and painful. I just want to quit!!! Lord, help me stick with it. I know you put me in it for a reason!!!!! And I just don't understand who are my real friends and who aren't. Alaina is sweet to me one day and not the next! I want to be here for her all the time but everytime I want to talk something out she says she doesn't want to talk about it or I complain too much. But I love her sooo much and never want to lose her!!!!! I always worry I will though :( Faithy, I am sooo glad we have become soo close!!!!! I remember last year when I had absolutely NO true or close friends!!!!!! I was sooo lonely! She has been the best BFF!!!!!!! I love her sooo much!!! And we have sooo much fun together!!! I feel like she is ALWAYS there for me!!!!!!!! No matter what!!!!! And I think she feels the same way. PTL!!!!! And Jennifer, I thank you sooo much for her, Lord!!!!!!! She has been with me through and through even though I don't always maintain a consistent relationship with her. She still feels we are as close as sisters!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!!!! And thanks for all my other friends!!!!!!! Ugh. Lord, please help all my aches and pains to subside!!!!!!! And help me on my tons of homework!!!!!!!! AND Lord most of all please help me and give me wisdom with Dustin!!!!!! He has made life sooo hard for me, but something in me Lord just makes me want to still be a friend to him!!!! HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT!!!!!!! :( Help me to figure out what is wrong with my car as well!!!!!! Please give me guidance on what to do for my sweet sixteen!!!!!!! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR MY WONDERFUL NEW FRIEND, Katie!!!!!!!! You have helped me pour my heart out to her in ways I have never been able to with anyone else!!!!!!! Thank you, Lord!!!!!! She has been such a blessing and help in times when I most need it!!!! I love her sooooooo much!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR ALL THIS AND MORE!!!!!!!!! Luv you sooo much, JESUS!!!!!!!! HELP ME TO TRUST YOU MOST OF ALL!!!!!!!!!!

ME!!!!!!!!!! WHO I TRULY AM!!!!!!!

Hey everybody!!!!!!!!!
I have always been too shy to actually post anything on here but now after having this blog for over a year and not sharing anything I feel kinda boring and I wanted to spice things up!!!!!!! So all my info isn't exactly necessarily accurate but I wanna keep it to remind me of how much I have changed in the past year! IT'S ABSOLUETLY CRAZY!!!!!!!!! From my dress style, friends, the way I act, and my relationship with God and others!!!!!! It's just crazy. I feel like a totally different person!!!!! But this is who I truly am. I have just been too shy and fearful of rejection to let it out! SO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy the blog and here goes!!!!!!!!!! I think I will kinda make this into a online journal sorta thing.