LORA GRACE PAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I COMING BACK TO REALITY????????

GOD ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT CAN I SAY?????????? When you feel like you have given all you have in you from the tip of your toes to the top of your head and things still aren't working out....what do you do?????? You feel the only thing left is to blame yourself and give up completely!!!!! All the people you have trusted most in your life and have been soooo very close to for SOOOO VERY LONG are betraying you left and right and you feel there is nothing left to do!!!! Well there is hope!!!!!! Romans 5:3-5 says tribulations (trials) bring perseverance, perseverance brings character, character brings hope, and the hope is the love of GOD which NEVER disappoints!!!!!! THERE IS HOPE, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!! When ya cry and cry and cry and cry every chance ya get for days till your too week to cry anymore, ya feel there is nothing left in you, ya can't sleep, ya can hardly talk and move cause they pain is soooo unbearable!!!!! When you are absolutely DEAD emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and MISERABLE physically!!!!! You can't figure out what's wrong with you!!!!! Well whether any of this has ever happened to you is beside the point, all of these things just make you have more excuses as to why not to change!!!!!!!!! WHEN, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! AND CHRIST ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DIED TO SAVE THE WORLD, THAT INCLUDES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING HE HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS FAMILY, FRIENDS, EVERYTHING HE VALUED MOST!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HAD EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT HE DIED FOR SUCH A STUPID, STUBBORN PERSON AS YOU AND ME, JUST SO YOU COULD LIVE AND BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!! WE DESERVE NOTHING!!!!!!! YET HE GAVE US EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! AND LOVES US SOOOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!! He also says, though, that we should cast ALL are cares and worries upon HIM, cause HE cares about us and loves us!!!!!!!! And will help us through!!!!!! Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken" So that also means that we need to TRUST HIM most of all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cause he will help you and guide you if you look to Him and Him alone to satisfy you!!!!!! But God also says we need to be kind to others and FORGIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY!!!!!!!!!! And just saying it, does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO TRULY MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!! And confess your sins to God all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And make it right with Him!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT HE WANTS ALL YOU HAVE AND NOTHING ELSE WILL DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WILL KICK U, PUSH U, TORTURE U, TAKE ALL YOU HAVE TILL HE HAS YOU COMPLETELY FOCUSED ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL HE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DESERVES IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well these are some of my thoughts and some of the things I have been learning having gotten back into reading the BIBLE lately!!!!!!!!

SO yeah!!!!! The hurt is still there!!!!!!!!! BUT IVE GOT TO MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I will fall back into this trap again!!!!!!!!!!!! :( BUT IVE GOT TO KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY THE LORD HAS GIVEN ME A JOY I HAVENT HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!! So that helped me to realize there is still HOPE and a way to get out of all this!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE FAITH IN THE UNSEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND TRUST CHRIST, THOUGH U CAN'T SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got to talk to Faith for a good two hours today and just poor my heart out just me and her!!!!!!!!!!! I've never been able to talk to her like that!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT MEANT SOOOOO MUCH TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND HOW MUCH I MEAN TO HER!!!!!!!!!!! AND HER EXACT WORDS WERE PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IF SHE MEANT WHAT SHE SAID, I JUST CANT WAIT TO SEE THE FRIENDSHIP GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im taking my precautions, but I see some hope there!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SHE DIDNT JUDGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE OR GET UPSET WITH ME IN ANYWAY AND I COULD TALK TO HER ABOUT MY MOST PERSONAL SUBJECTS AND JUST BE OPEN WITH HER WITH NO FEAR OF WHAT SHE WOULD THINK OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOW I GET TO HANG WITH HER EVERYDAY AND NIGHT BETWEEN NOW AND SATURDAY, JUST ME AND HER!!!!!!!!!!! :) THE CRAZY GOOFBALLS WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! :) WE GOT SOOOO CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVENT HAD THAT MUCH JOY OR EXCITEMENT IN FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT TO MENTION, THE BIG SMACK IN THE FACE I GOT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH, KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV U DEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEEDED IT TERRIBLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT SEEMS TO HAVE MADE ME THINK FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN OVER NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IM STARTING TO SHUT UP AND THINK BEFORE I DO THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND CLOSE CERTAIN PEOPLE OUT SOOO I AM NOT TEMPTED TO GOSSIP OR TEAR OTHERS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV YA TOOO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP PUSHING ME GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO MUCH FOR MAKING ME FEEL LOVED AND FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THIS, SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOO VERY MUCH FOR CARING, TRULY UNDERSTANDING, AND KEEPING THE TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUV YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS TOTALLY WICKED AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUST HIM, KEEP HIM CLOSE TO YOUR HEART, LET HIM REFLECT IN YOUR LIFE, AND GLORIFY HIM THROUGH WHAT YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE FROM THE LOVELY LP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

P.S. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAITH ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! IS IT A BREAK OR NOT????

Well its SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been waiting for it for months and what does it turn out to be nothing but just a week of less school but same old busy, busy, busy all day long!!!!!! UGH!!!!!! Well it's been fun so far!!!!!!!! BUT IM SOOO EXHAUSTED!!!!! I have been like addicted to SUGARLAND, since you reminded me of them, Katie!!!!!!!!!! I haven't listened to them in forever!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! Every night before I go to bed....Aint no rhyme or reason no complainted meaning aint no need to over think it let go laughing life dont go quite like you planned it we try so hard to understand it....goes through my head!!!!!! Im listening to it right now!!!!!!! I went to the zoo yesterday, watched three kids all day, and went mini golfing. And then went to an awesome ice cream place!!!!!!!! It was pretty sweet!!!!!!! But EXTREMELY TIRING!!!!!!!!!! Soccer practice today....I almost fainted....the weather was a bit too hot for me even though I finished the mile before everyone else, which was really surprising to me since I haven't even done any exercise since b ball. But I did it!!!!!!!!! Then I tried to set up our new trampoline by myself and that didn't work out so well. IT WAS SOOO HOT for me!!!!!!!! I fainted and laid there for awhile and then got enough energy to go back inside and I really wasnt the same the rest of the day!!!!!!! :( I took lots of medicine but the pain wouldn't go away!!!!! Then when my family got home, they finished putting it together and I went and hung out with a friend for awhile and talked and talked and talked. Well today was also not a good day between me and my parents sad to say!!!!!!!! BUT IM REALLY WANTING SOOOO BAD TO JUST CALM DOWN TOMORROW AND JUST TALK TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!! And change my priorities back to where they should be!!!!!!!!!!! SOOO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! AND KATIE, LUV YA SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!! And if ya wanna hang or run AT ALL, ANYTIME THIS WEEK, I AM MORE THAN WILLING AND WOULD LOVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST LET ME KNOW, AND I'LL BE OVER!!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE GOD'S WORKING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! NOT MY WILL, BUT URS BE DONE!!!!!!!!!! Love, LP

CRYING!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL IT EVER STOP???? I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS EMOTIONAL!!!!

Well another HARD night for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now that I have NO ONE to talk to!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that I should journal and releave some stuff that I am holding inside!!!!!!!! :( I HAVE BEEN SUCH A JERK TODAY!!!!!!!!! I just go around like a complete idiot!!!!! Not saying anything to anyone. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING IS WRONG, But I don't know what anymore!!!!!!!!!! :( I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN HOLD ME AND WHO I CAN CRY IT ALL OUT WITH!!!!!!!! My emotions are to their fullest!!!!!!!! :( And I don't know what to do. I KNOW. I am too wordly, emotional, dramatic, over-reacting, etc. I'VE HEARD IT A MILLION TIMES!!!!!!!!! I'm too sensitive, easily hurt, and a dig load of drama. Well then what is my purpose. I've tried everything!!!!!!!! I've opened up with my parents, made everything right with Dustin and the whole foster family, tried my best to get along with all the people at church and school!!!!!!!!!! And been here for tons of girls at school to help them in their problems and what do i get???? A cold shoulder, slap in the face, and made fun of!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'( When will they ever understand???????? I'VE SACRIFICED SOOO MUCH FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!! And I can't even be assured that we are still friends, let alone a shoulder to cry on!!!!!!!! And now I have to go through another day of seeing them in the halls and endure the rude jokes and mean comments!!!!!! I'VE LET THEM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, given them soo many things of mine!!!!! And all they want is more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I never be serious with anyone???????? Can I never express my feelings?????? Should I just put on a smile everyday!!!!!! EVEN WHEN I FEEL LIKE CRAP!!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?????????????? Do I have any true friends?????? :'( Well I'm not allowed to be on here anymore!!!!!!!!! :( I have to go do my homework!!!!!!! EVEN IF IT IS MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!! :( I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE STRENGTH!!!!!!! I HAVE CRIED ALL MY TEARS OUT, BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE CRYING!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TONS MORE TO SHARE, BUT IM JUST A SELFISH BRAT!!!!!!!! :( LUV YA SOOOOO MUCH, KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T SHARE THIS WITH ANYONE!!!!!!!!! It's VERY PERSONAL, but it is truly how I feel!!!!!!!! IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW CHRIST IS THE ANSWER, but I've been praying and praying and trying to solve the problems as best as I can!!!!!!!!! BUT IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!!!!!

TEARS, HURTS, ACHES, PAINS!!!!!!!!!!! GOD REIGN IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Well let's see here.... HMM!!!!!!!!! Since this is pretty much a personal journal to me, I will just come out with all my feelings, hurts, pains, and problems right now. Well in my eyes, my life sucks!!!!!!! But i know God has a reason for it all!!!!! I feel I can't take it anymore, but God comes in again and puts more on my plate to handle!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! When is enough, enough!!!!!! God, haven't I gone through enough already? Well let's see here, the people who I've trusted most the past few years just leave me and seem not to give a crap about how i truly feel. The friends at church who I have just started to draw closer to pick a fight with another friend. I MEAN COME ON!!!!!!!! I am starting to rebuild my friendship with Dustin and all my friends have to get into it. I MEAN LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY!!!!!!!! Well things are going well with Dustin now and his family seems to think that I am a daughter and sister to them, how they feel that way I don't know. But I really dont want to fail them. Well we have come to terms and are really gonna try to not fight anymore, and we can only text for twenty minutes a day. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!! And I told him how I am hurting sooo greatly and he seems to care now. I'm not pouring my heart into him. I'm just glad this are going well with their family and I. And I think they understand and feel for me. Well I called all the girls from church and messaged them and now I am going to try to work things out with them. There is still TONS of hurt and damage to be healed between me and my school friends. I LOVE THEM SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! BUT WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HURT THEM!!!! :( Well another day of school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Kill me now!!!!!!!!!!! jk. I always say it!!!!!!!!!!! But i hate having to deal with them each day. They say they care, but don't show it!!!!!!! :( I talked to my dad today about everything!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!! And now we have daddy/daughter time every night to talk through everything. Amy broke up with one guy and is with another now!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL SHE EVER LEARN??????????? I'VE TOLD HER MANY TIMES!!!!!!!!! SHE SAYS SHE TRUSTS CHRIST!!!!!!!! BUT UGH!!!!!!!!!! Mary is really worrying me too!!!!!!!!!! She hasn't been herself lately and I want soooo much for her to be able to cry it all out and talk it all out with me!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE MY REAL FRIENDS? WHO CAN I REALLY TRUST? WHO TRULY CARES ABOUT ME?????? IDK ANYMORE!!!!!! :( SOOOOOO many people have broken my trust in the past few months it's not even funny anymore!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I have TONS of homework and reports due soon but where is there time to do it????? :( YAY!!!!!!!! BASKETBALL IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!! That was A LOT of pain and problems I should've never brought myself into!!!! NOW COMES THE BIG DECISION!!!!!! SOCCER OR NO SOCCER??????? IDK ANYMORE!!!!!!! I LOVE THE SPORT SOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!! But is it worth dealing with all the people?????? All the pain?????? And reffing on top of that!!!! I start next weekend!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! TOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! WELL THAT'S A BIG CHUNK OF ALL THAT I'M DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED WISDOM!!!!! I NEED STRENGTH, LORD!!!!!!!!! License test coming up soon too!!!!! Practice, practice, practice!!!!!!! And my car got out of the shop today!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! LOL. Delivering newspapers in it today was THE BEST!!!!!! :) JOSH is such a big boy!!!!! LOL. He had such a hard time getting in and out of such a small car!!!!! He looked hilarious though!!!!!!! He kept hitting his head, getting choaked by the seatbelt, and couldn't get his legs out. lol. WELL OFF TO HOMEWORK...Let's see: two long math assignments, a history reading assignment and worksheet, two Bible tests, English research paper, book report, and thesis statement. Well that's all and it has to be done before tomorrow. UGH!!!!!! Not happening!!!!! :( AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NEVER EVER FORGET MY WONDERFUL BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS SOOOOO DEAR TO MY HEART!!!!!!!! SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! AND I'M SOOOO VERY THANKFUL FOR HER!!!!!! I'M SOOOOO VERY SORRY FOR ALL THE TROUBLE I'VE CAUSED LATELY THOUGH!!!!!!!! BUT AT LEAST SHE UNDERSTANDS!!!!!!!! THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! LORD, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, LP :)

P.S. KATIE, U ROCK!!!!!!!!!!