I don't know what to do!!!

K ill admit that i have a lot of anger and hurt built up in my heart, and it is really startin to show. I've been holding it in for awhile, and trying to overcome it the best I can, but I just can't seem to get over it. I was doing so good. I rededicated my life to the Lord on saturday and have been reading His word every chance I get, listening to only Christian music, which has been TERRIBLY hard for me and really hard to follow thru with, and doing my best to treat others the way I would LOVE to be treated. But monday I let my dad use my car, kinda frustrated me and stuff cuz he messed my stuff up and got me late to work and school , which didnt go over well. And was hard to keep my cool, but I did and continued to let the Lord's joy shine thru me. I wasn't supposed to work, which also thru me for a loop, but I still was able to follow thru with it. I then got home from work REALLY late and was rather cranky cuz i had TONS of homework to do as well. I stayed up till 2 AM and was able to finish it, but because of all the typing I did, my hand was in real bad shape and I stayed up most the night icing it. Then tuesday, I wake up late to get yelled at that my dad needed my car again, so I had very little time to get all my stuff I needed. I did finally, but was late again to school. And got yelled at by mom and josh the whole way to school. Then my dad is late yet again to take me to work, which went over real bad, since it was a very important night at work. And someone would NOT stop texting me throughout the day saying, "I love you." "I miss you." "I want you." "I know all about you, your a junior, work at mcdonalds, have two brothers, and go to church." All along I was telling, whoever it was to leave me alone and who are you. I quit replying after a few minutes, yet they still continued texting me, making me really mad, since I don't take stalkers very well AT ALL!!! Then finally I got to work and they told me, which made me even more mad. Because it was Amy, who the night before had come into my work, and I tried to be nice and respectful, yet she chose to be rude and not very nice to me. She finally left, and my other friend from work sat with me on break and told me all the guys Amy has slept with, which really made me mad, cuz Amy promised me the guys that I asked her about were the ONLY ones she had done stuff with. And yet again, I found out that the first kid she was pregnant with was NOT with who she told me it was with. Also, that day, I knew my big sis was having a hard day so I didn't wanna bother her, but I just couldn't handle it. I told Leah I wasn't gonna all day, and then I felt bad when I failed. But she means so much to me!!!!! And then last night, I almost wrecked, got yelled at and beat up by Josh, almost got caught in a house fire, and all that just because I wanted some cereal. LONG STORY!!!! but thats the just of it. But yet again, I didn't get home til bout 11 and still had work to do. And yet again, I missed my big sis REAL bad!!! Then today, I woke up late yet again, to get yelled at by Josh.....with some foul language....bout the night before and how I couldn't get my car unlocked. I took him to school, but all I did I just didn't know what to do with him. And I missed my big sis REALLY bad, but didn't talk to her all day, which killed me!!! Then, of course, Josh called my parents to take him home cuz he didn't wanna go home with me. And I get home to Mary wanting to help me with my newspaper route so I let her. Then I took her home and came back and finished it. Then go straight to church to find her there, I let her know I had LOTS of work to take care of, but she continued to follow me and sidetrack me. I got some death stares but I just ignored em, cuz I had sooooo much stuff to do. I got in a BIG fight with my big sis :'( and yet again I'm just sitting here crying missing her. LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But idk how to make all this right, idk what to do, I guess I'll just wait for her. I love her soooooooo much!!!!!!!!! but its getting SOOOOOOOO hard for me to continuing wanting to sacrifice for her.....when I feel I get nuttin. I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!! But idk what to do about it :'( I have Leah, begging me to finally have a good day for once, and I want to soooooooooooo bad, but I know that that CAN'T happen til I feel me and my big sis are good. And I still don't feel she cares. I feel like I've gone thru all this alone, and its hard to trust her when she hasn't been there in awhile. I wanna help her sooooooooooooo much more, but I feel like she's so far away. She'll never wanna talk to me and share with me whats going on. I'm tired of it being all about me. I DONT WANT IT TO BE!!!!!!!! :( I wanna know more and more bout my big sis :'( But the only chance we get to talk is fighting :( She has other people I feel so retarded for even trying to give her ALL my heart, and rejecting all my friends and people in my life just for her. It's what I wanna do, but yet doesn't seem to even out. I've been doing so good with God, but yet she feels I suck at that and am not trusting. Ive never tried soooooo hard in my life :'( LUV U BIG SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry :'( I dont know what to do.